I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
