Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
