Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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