Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
