He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize