remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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