whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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