Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
