She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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