Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
