She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
