i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
