Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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