so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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