I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize