I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
