I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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