My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
