making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
