At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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