Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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