I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
even my farts smell like vagina
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
