You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize
