I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
