I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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