I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
