Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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