Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I intend to get homeless drunk
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
