He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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