What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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