I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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