there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
