i think i have two assholes
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Pants are for mortals
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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