Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
