my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
