there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
