so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He? As in you personified your dick?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
