My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
