Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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