Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
