i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
