We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
did i just pee glitter
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
