True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
