My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
