His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize