Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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