she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
