Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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