Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think my vagina is haunted
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
