FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
