So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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