A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
