3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
too bad you live with your parents still
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
