My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
