I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
