i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
