david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
