I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
