terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
