Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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