Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
