Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
