She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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