you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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