I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
