**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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