Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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