drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You pole danced in your parka.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
