Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
