Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
