im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
