They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
