so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
