I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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