I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
