Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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