i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
