Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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