idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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