I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
